Letters to Anonymous #3

Why can’t I stop thinking about you?

Is it because the moments we shared

Are so deep embedded in my brain

I wish I could have those with you again

Why can’t I get over you?

Is it your voice inside my head

Which keeps whispering me my name

I wish things would just be the same

Why do I feel this sadness?

Is it the last time we kissed

Would be the last time ever

I wish we could get back together

Hug you.

We meet new people everyday,
But when I met you it felt like there is no way,
that someone who knows how much the heart bleeds
I felt like I had found the one who would fill all my needs.

Someone who I knew was right
who knew always that things would again become alright
Someone who was so inspirational
who's thoughts and mindset were sensational.

I wish I could be with you forever
I wish we could be in this fight together
The fight to not be normal and ordinary
Cause we know we can be the extraordinary

Cause we know what it takes to be the best
how to deal with life's every test
How to do things now one can even dream to do
How to work had and get thorough.

I know I may not be with you in this fight forever
But I'll let you know that whenever
You need someone to be there with you
I will always be there to hug you.

THE Reality.

October 5th 4:15AM

I woke up from my sleep. Just like I did every night since the last 3-4 months. It really pains to be a blogger sometimes. When you have something to write on, you are on top of the world. And when you don't you think about it every time you are alone and you feel restless.

Anyways, I checked my iPad and there was this very long message, it was this-

"Hey I know that you're sleeping but I just need to rant bout sth. So… I miss the days when we used to talk like everyday on kik. We were so close I just want you back, you know? I care a damn lot about but I don't think you care about me anymore. I'm thinking that because most of the time you just say 'wow' or stuff like that. Please tell me I'm wrong?"

It was Xena Ofcourse who sent me that. Xena was from Belgium,17 years old, and yes she was one of my 400 kik friends but she was special. She was my friend since a very long time. And maybe I was starting to lose interest in her. I don't know why. I did't have a girlfriend since ages and if there was anything close to it, it was her.................and Sarah. Oh fuck.

June 21st 3:04 AM- "So I'm guessing you found someone else who's amazing to talk to because I can tell you don't really want to me anymore. I loved talking to you and I loved talking to you and I miss you so much and I'll miss you so much. If you still want to talk now or in the future just message me. I'll always talk to you no matter what happens or how much time goes by". That is Sarah and she is one of my kik friends who I have known for a long time.


Well,this is awkward. I've learnt something in life today. It's something that I don't regret about. Love can't be found online. It can't. You can't be in love with someone just by saying "I love you sooo much, I wish you were here blah blah blah" cause honestly I've done that, about 400 times and did it REALLY give me that feeling,which I am supposed to get when you fall in love and the whole world  around you turns red, and red rose petals fall on you from the sky and the violin starts playing? For 1 second, yes that does happen, then you realize you are here, sitting on your bed smiling like a complete retard and your mom totally gives you the WTF face. If you are looking for love PLEASE, for the love of god, love me, oki lame joke, but don't love people online. It is cool, for a moment but then  you just figure out you are shit. It took me 1 year and 5 months to realize that.

5:19 AM

This is my apology to you, Xena and Sarah. I am very truthful to say this that I wish it would last forever but it doesn't happen. Life is more about living it in reality rather than texting 400 girls. But look at the bright side, you actually influenced my real life. Which is kinda great TBH.

Well,thank you for reading this. Please tell me how you feel about Internet love in the comments and how you felt about the blog. To end this I would like to say......

"Live in reality."

Aaaaaand PEACE!

The end of "THE" beginning?

Well,it comes down to this then.

Last blog was left on quite an edge,I left off by concluding that she actually didn't block me. Then of course I would talk to her right?? I did talk to her.

We chatted for a few days again.We talked about our lives our future and everything.

I felt like I found her back,and this time our friendship will carry on!

But,don't you think that in all of the times I've written my blogs,things have always turned out to be unexpected?

Things did!

I wrote my first love story, titled "Insert lovable title here" , and the first person I asked to give an opinion was of course her.

She read it,and then kinda mocked me.Told me it was terrible and it was shit.

Now call me an emotional wreck but yea i guess,that's what I am! I got offended! and over that she kinda did flaunt about her own blogs and shit!

You would be laughing Miss Cashews,I know. But I realized and I did ask you  this question several times. "How does a guy,living thousands of miles away from you,give a f**k about you? despite the fact that he has kiked over 300 girls.And to add to that that girl doesn't give a shit about him anyways."

If you remember in my 2nd blog,I told her to block me and have a good life ahead,this time I BLOCKED HER! I blocked the best girl I've ever met online.

So,where do we go from here?? What happens to the guy who actually gives a shit about her???

I think,I wouldn't call this as the end to our friendship,call me a creep miss cashews, but I feel that the girl of the century will eventually no longer exist in my memory.

Yea,I will remember her.I may be in contact with her,I may find her interesting again. But I am sure of this,I will never write about her.

So,hence I've titled this "The end of "THE" beginning?". It all began on January 8th. It ended many times.

I have no regrets,and that's how life should be. I've shared everything I wanted to let out,it feels amazing!

23:25 16th April.

This moment I am happy and curious to know about what is going to happen in life.

Thanks for all your support and all the time you've spent reading my blogs!! It's been an amazing turn out of events and I feel that you are very much responsible for it! Bye! and PEACE!

"We are just ordinary people,you and me.

Time will turn us into statues................eventually."

Epilogue

19:20 April 15th 2014.

Hey guys,how you doing? I am going to stop blogging on this blog because of personal reasons and I want you to know that I am not going to stop blogging.I would be writing blogs else where. "Being ME!"  was my first blog and it was seriously an amazing journey,100 views in the first hour,800 views in 20 days. Now enough bragging and lets get down to it.This is my last blog and I wanted to write something special,so I decided to write about the very reason of the inception of this blog.MISS CASHEWS! Now you might be wondering what actually happened after she blocked me and everything well here it is......

To start with IT WASN'T AS DRAMATIC AS IT SOUNDS!! Yea,you think I would just forget about the girl of the century just like that?? You are weird. or probably I am weird.. anyways,I was in touch with her best friend at that time and that eventually led to her unblocking me on kik! Yea so we chatted.. for weeks!! and then things got bad. Because of the time difference she couldn't be up late at night,so when I would come back from college she would be going to sleep.I really didn't like it.So I decided that I need to give my academics top priority! I decided to quit kik! and I did,FOR 2 MONTHS! I came back after my exams, I searched her name through my contacts.I COULDN'T FIND IT!! Then I messaged her best friend.She told me that apparently she blocked me because I was a pathetic human being,she used vulgar words but I don't want to say them here.So I took it in,yea I know I am depressing! One day I was searching for this girl named Alexis..... and just below her name was some girl called "amity" and when i saw her pic,IT WAS MISS CASHEWS! but she blocked me,that means what ever I would send her wouldn't eventually reach her. So for not looking like a dumbass I sent her "." and she replied "?". SHIIIT!

So apparently for yet another time I was in mini depression and I got out of it! (I know how lame that sounds.)

So let me ask you a question where do you see this heading?? An endless one sided online love affair? She saying " I miss you" ? or something like I didn't talk to her after that?? or the possibility that this blog is heading into an EIGHT BLOG???? XD

Guys. You guessed it. See you in a few hours. PEACE!
P.S-Oh yeaa the reason I am writing this blog is because it's her birthday today,my site might go down after she has read this but screw it! 

RP

Roleplay, I did not know what this meant until a few hours from now, it means Role-Playing. RP'ers are basically people who want to escape from reality and write Portraying a fictional character. So in the path of me messaging random girls, I met an RP'er. Her name is Malia. Initially when she told me that she was an RP'er, I didn't really bother about what is it, as she looked very interesting and I didn't know what an RP'er is and I didn't want to sound like a dumbass asking her. So I told her about my blog, she seemed to be interested. Now here is when the bull shit happens. On her Twitter profile her location was set as Atlanta, she told me she lives in Germany and on my blog, the last view came off South Africa. YES.... I GOT PISSED! And then I told her this intriguing fact.She said that she was an RP.So after doing my homework and after knowing what it really means I was infuriated and disgusted. C'mon how would you feel if you found out that the person who you have so much interest in has completely made a fool of you and completely told you nothing but just made up SHIT?? She offered to explain, and asked me if you would really tell everything about yourself to a complete stranger? I then asked her,"would you really like to escape reality and live in a world where everything is beautiful and without any problems.I mean your life isn't perfect,and that makes it PERFECT!" Then after telling her more such crazy sentimental one-liners, she finally was prepared to tell me her story. 

She told me that she had been RP'ing life. She's been RP'ing for 3 years.She told me her age. and her real name. She also told me where she lived.  Her parents got divorced when she was 9. She lived with her father until she was 14. She said her father had a drinking problem and he was is rehab for it. She was anti-social, and started homeschooling. Her mother got married to a guy who fights with her mother almost every day. She's cut herself with a razor, hiding it from her parents.. After hearing all this. I was stunned and these are the two things i told her, 1)That is either a very big f**ked up lie or 2)If what you've told me is true you don't have a reason for RPing.

Yeah. i said that. I mean for all I know she could just be playing me and I could just be getting played.Or She is just being completely honest and I am just being a complete jerk by saying things like that! I was dealing with a situation. A deep one. Should i console her? Would a guy who got depressed because a girl blocked him on kik really understand the pain of a girl whose parents are divorced. Should I just block her and forget everything that happened? OR Do I learn something from this? 

What have I learnt from this? I've learnt that we are not perfect, and we should shouldn't follow the path she did. You should be happy, brave, Make mistakes and move on, be happy. You shouldn't live with 'what if'' you should do everything you wanna do. Life is too short to sit around wishing for something different. Then our lives would be filled of people we loved from which some you remember and some you forget. Some of them still living and some of them dead. I've learnt to be positive, no matter how screwed up our lives are,no matter how many sins we have committed. I've learnt that no matter how much shit happens to us we can still afford to be like Malia. Fearless.Bold.Strong.She will read this,and I did ask her before making this blog and I will send this blog to her before publishing it. 

Anyways thanks for reading this blog guys.You guys are the best,and there is no fate but what we make! PEACE!

The last blog?

Well,when I posted my 4th blog on the internet,I was extremely proud of it! I thought I was showing my side to the world and people might like it.I was wrong, I was being called "nerdy" by people,well it struck me like an earthquake! That was the best thing I've written in my whole life probably!Call me greedy,call me what you want,but I can pretend not giving a shit about it,when I actually do.

When I first started this blog,I wanted to get something of my chest,it really worked.Then I started blogging for the people,cause I wanted to get somewhere in this world! Now here I am considering to end my blogging career.I am totally out of stuff to write to!

Have you read The Bible? I haven't read it completely but there is a part of it striking me the most currently,its the Ezekiel 25:17-                     "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the      valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!' 

 I don't want to say anything more to you other than the fact that I am gonna stop writing my blog,and I will continue it only when there is a reason of me writing it and when I truly know the destiny of this blog. PEACE!